


Intentionally Ruined

by poselikeateam



Series: Vampire Bards (and the Witchers Who Love Them) [5]
Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Vampire, Bad Dirty Talk, Bad Humor, Bad Sex, Bottom Lambert (The Witcher), Coitus Interruptus, Crack Treated Seriously, Dirty Talk, Established Relationship, First Time, Idiots in Love, Lambert Being Lambert (The Witcher), Lambert Being a Little Shit (The Witcher), Lambert Being an Asshole (The Witcher), M/M, No Plot/Plotless, Sexual Humor, Soft Lambert (The Witcher), Trans Lambert (The Witcher), True Love, Valdo Marx is So Done, Valdo Marx pov, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:13:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27705368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poselikeateam/pseuds/poselikeateam
Summary: Sometimes, Valdo wonders why he loves Lambert. Generally speaking, it's whenever the witcher opens his damned mouth. If there's one thing he knows about Lambert, after all, it is the joy he takes in pissing off those around him, and how skilled he is at sabotaging his own happiness.Or: Lambert tries dirty talk. It does not end well. (That was probably the plan all along.)
Relationships: Lambert/Valdo Marx
Series: Vampire Bards (and the Witchers Who Love Them) [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1892647
Comments: 4
Kudos: 54





	Intentionally Ruined

**Author's Note:**

> This ficlet is set in the near future, shortly after _Under My Skin_.

The first time they lie together, Valdo almost can't believe it. Yes, their relationship has escalated to a level that he, frankly, never believed possible. Yes, they're obviously _very_ attracted to each other. Lambert certainly has no hang-ups about his body, either; at the very least, not now that Valdo has already seen him nude. 

Still, the fact that they were able to progress to this point is astounding. They want each other, and they can _have_ each other. Valdo is so eager, he could almost weep.

If one were to ask Valdo, he would say that he is far from the most sentimental man, but there's something about the image he's presented with that honestly, really tugs at his heartstrings. For a man like Lambert, feral and wild and so carefully guarded, to trust him like this — to be willing to lie before him, nude and unarmed, almost _submissive_ — takes a lot. He knows firsthand what they've been through together, how much they care for one another, and yet it's still so _much_ in this moment. 

He's gorgeous, Valdo's witcher; and the fact that he is _Valdo's_ witcher only makes the moment that much sweeter. From the wiry muscles of his body, to the coarse, red hair that dusts his chest and trails down, down... down to the main course of the evening, as it were. Lambert's cunt is glistening and pink and so inviting, cock jutting out proudly and twitching with his need. Valdo swallows thickly, finding it very difficult, suddenly, to control himself, his reactions, how much he _wants_. 

Lambert, of course, being Lambert, ruins it rather quickly.

"C'mon, you fucker. Are you gonna sit there and stare or are you gonna touch my fucking meat flaps already?" Lambert barks, impatient as always.

Valdo stops completely, earning a frustrated growl from the witcher laid out before him. He squints, wrinkles his nose, equal parts confused and disgusted. 

"I'm sorry, what did you just say?"

"You fuckin' heard me!"

"Yes, I suppose I did." With that, Valdo stands up and starts getting dressed again.

"The fuck are you doing now?" the witcher demands.

"Not you," Valdo answers. The door shuts behind him with a click, and Lambert feels at once proud of himself and immensely sexually frustrated.

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this rattling around in my head for _ages_. This is going to be its own series, probably, of Lambert just ruining sex on purpose by saying dumb shit. I'm a simple man with simple tastes. I once whispered, _"Can you feel it, Mr Krabs?"_ to ruin sex before it started and, no shit, he got up and left the room. I also definitely used to call my labia meat flaps (and started again thanks to this fucking fic lmao) so uh, you're welcome for that I guess?


End file.
